It’s such a big day. Emotions galore. Can I do this? I’ve been waiting so long. Have I got everything I need? I feel 16 and 18 all over again. This has got to be just right. “Michele don’t screw this up.”
Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve wanted to stay at the beach. Very simple. Living in Orlando, many of you very well know that we live within spitting distance of several beaches. Multiple health crisis’ have kept this from happening. My parents had even booked a week at the Keys near the end of 2015 for the family but had to cancel due to my mom going through her aggressive chemotherapy. Originally mom had booked that as a celebratory trip for me surviving cancer. One day we’ll make it there mom…one day.
Packing essentials: Pills – check, Moose (the stuffed animal I’ve slept with since leukemia…that’s mighty Grown up of me) – check, The Walking Dead Compendium 1 – check. My parents watched over me with worried looks on their faces. After seeing their youngest go through as much pain and suffering and doing everything in their power to keep me alive, letting me go off on my own for the first time had to be hard. Scott looked puzzled at my desire to get away. He was pretty sure I may not make it back.
I haven’t been alone since it all happened. I needed some me time. So I put my big girl pants on and I went on an adventure. Blaring my Jewel station on Pandora in the car never felt so good. You know I haven’t heard the song ‘Angel’ by Sarah McLachlan in years yet I remembered every word! How is it that I sometimes can’t recall what day it is but I can recite a random song? The brain is a crazy thing.
I missed my exit but I got to The Shores Resort in Daytona in one piece. I felt like the old man from Jurassic Park. I spared no expense where I was concerned these precious few hours. Oceanfront balcony room, swedish massage, drinks, nice dinner and a long walk along the beach. If I were a dude taking me on this date, I might be expecting a little something at the end of the night.
Fire in my soul
Before leukemia I was more timid. I wouldn’t have wanted to do as many things by myself. But at the restaurant when the hostess asked,”how many?”; I smirked and proudly said, “just one.” I was lost in my thoughts that first day. I believe in life you really have to like yourself or you will truly be an unhappy individual no matter how much money you’re rolling in or not rolling in. I’ve gotten to know myself very well these past few years. Although I’m still evolving, I must say that I do like my own company. I only wish I could talk to myself aloud in public places and not look crazy.
Waking up to the ocean, sun, and beautiful sky in a comfy king size bed felt like a dream. I don’t buy into the whole zodiac thing too much, however; I am a Pisces and I must say that being near water has always made me my most happy. I feel at peace on the water. To wrap up my less than 24 hour staycation, I laid by the pool for the first time since January 2014. It’s the little things in life! You don’t realize how much they mean to you until they’re gone.
With so many things happening one right after the other, I haven’t had a chance to just take a step back and take stock of everything. It’s been nice to just breathe. To clear my head. For once; to actually let it be all about me enjoying life. I believe too often we women tend to put ourselves on the back burner. To always think about others first. So worried about other people and their feelings. What about us? What about our feelings? What about what we want? Thing is…to make others happy, don’t we ourselves have to be happy?
That movie ‘What Women Want’ was on last night and one of the things Mel Gibson said that was so true was, “Women worry so much.” We worry about everything. There’s like a constant reel in our heads always turning.
To bring this to a close I want to be a reminder to myself and everyone else out there…’Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.’ Make time for yourself to do things that make you happy. Also remember to always be kind to one another. You never know if this will be our year for zombies.
As usual I love your blog. I’ve learned so much from you. I hope you enjoyed your beach day.
Marie Brown says
You are an inspiration to me Michele….you are so strong and reading your blog causes me to step back and look at my own life…you’re right in saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”…
It’s amazing you traveled solo and went out to eat by yourself (I find that the hardest)…I agree that “me” time is important to have!
Also, awesome you were listening to the Jewel station…yes!
I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in September 2015. A standard CBC was done at the hospital for a severe stomach ache (which subsided a few.days.later on its own). The test came back with pancytopenia as the diagnosis which eventually required a bone marrow biopsy indicating I had AML
Glad you are doing better these days and pray you continue to thrive. My ordeal with AML has not been as difficult as yours however, I too, didn’t have a match at Be The Match. The choice for.me was more chemo and wait and see.
If you want to.chat or meet up let me know. Best to you and your family, and Mom.