I’m still trying to recover from an Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia ph+ diagnosis and a bone marrow transplant using double cord blood donations. So much has happened and I always promised those of you who have been following my journey and reading these blogs that I would never want to send you into a deep state of depression. Although Murphy’s Law has been a real bitch lately. How about this…while reading the next bit just do so in a cheery voice and it won’t be so bad. WARNING: Severe medication taken while writing this blog. Please be mindful and open minded if you see grammatical errors and/or if some things just don’t make sense.
With my last blog, Broken, I was pretty open about everything. To the point where even I was like, “Man. That sucks for her. Oh wait a second…that’s me.” Now let’s start with some good news. Those horrifying episodes are seemingly gone for the moment. I’m thinking the bland diet my mother has me on and us being super careful about everything might have something to do with it. Unfortunately, bad news, at one of my normal clinic visits this week, one of the tests showed that my kidney function had jumped to a dangerous level. So in addition to my mother drowning me with fluids, I now have medical at home care starting today actually to give me fluids every day for the
|5 bottles of water, gatorade, ginger ale,
and 2 liters of fluids per day.
next two weeks. This is in addition to some weird toe infections, high blood pressure, and a medical scare with my adorable cat Lucy. Too much is just too much. After a tearful and sad conversation with my husband that somehow ended with us laughing just a little and talking about hope; and watching some terribly offensive and hilarious movies, I dug myself out of the black hole called despair.
With all of this going on, it can be hard to remember my dreams of the future. Especially having to take it one day at a time. However, my bucket list is getting pretty full and at the top is having children. So I guess I best get on that, huh?! For real though, the importance of having a family hasn’t changed since blogging about this over a year ago. We have 2 embryos in storage right now just waiting for the right moment. Will it be insemination? Surrogacy? Or if after attempts that may very well fail, adoption? Who knows. I can’t help but think my body isn’t the best vessel for sticking a baby in there. Here’s a fun fact. I started showing symptoms of early menopause after the transplant. When one of my doctor’s was asked what the chances are of me getting my period back he responded with, “most likely none.” Well then. Silver lining? All the money we are going to save not having to buy feminine products. But you can see what I’m saying about my body holding a baby. Of course when the time comes we will talk to the fertility doctor and go over all of our options.
|Our future offspring.|
As so many of you know, babies aren’t free. A normal pregnancy and birth is pricey enough. Fertilization along with bringing a child into the world is on another level costs wise. I just read that surrogacy can be $50,000 and higher. I never thought we would be looking at major debt before even being able to hold a child. This is after a long-term illness.
It would be so much easier if I didn’t want kids. But I’ve got a pretty handsome husband and I would love to have a little Mann. If the embryos don’t take, then we can welcome a child into our home that needs one and give it all the love we have. If I love that kid or kids half as much as I love my cat, I’ll make a good mom.
I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends
Now if you ask me, it seems we have a bit of a dilemma. Money does not grow on trees. And my dad keeps playing the lottery and somehow keeps losing. Even with M3 Makeup still up and running which I’m so greatly for, we still went from a dual income household to one income. Everyone knows cancer sucks. What sucks just as much is figuring out how to emotionally deal with that in addition to worrying about finances. If I hadn’t needed a transplant, things would have been a lot different. But here we are 18 months after diagnosis still “paying” for my illness and we will continue to do so for the next several years.
As hard as it’s been, one thing that has been unexpected and a beautiful surprise is the support that we have received since this began. The fundraisers that have been put together in my honor have left me speechless. I truly do not know where we would be without that help. From family and friends to acquaintances and strangers. So many people have come together to help us and that is something I will never forget. It is also a kindness that I’m afraid I can not return. However, the way I can say ‘thank you’ is by fighting to stay alive. Well…at least that’s what my husband says and I do agree.
Once again, I am humbled and overcome by how amazing humanity can be at times. Some of my Orlando Wedding Industry friends are planning the second annual Camp Mann Fundraiser on August 9th, 2015. It’s very fitting since it will be just a few days after my “first” birthday. I know the planning committee are looking for volunteers and need all hands on deck so if you would like to find out more information you can visit the FB page for Camp Mann. Or as Orlando Mayor, Buddy Dyer, says “Michele Mann Day.”
Some fun news? I will be able to actually attend the event! Health permitting of course. Now, I got permission for only 30 minutes and I’m unable to hug or touch anyone. Sucks cause I am such a hugger, but I will just be happy if I actually get to go.
Thank you. Thank you for showing enough interest in this blog to get to this point. Thank you for caring. Thank you for the love and support. Thank you for giving me hope.