Cancer…The Brutal Truth

The Betrayal of my Body

Here I am, lying in a hospital bed in so much pain, not knowing what is happening to my body.  Do you know how scary that is?  It’s un-explainable.  The one thing I notice amidst all the pain, “Hey, my Doctor’s pretty good looking.”  That was short lived when I had a nurse come in with the worst bed side manner who said the following with her face all scrunched up, “I’m looking at you and you look healthy.  Like a normal 30 year old female.  But on paper, you are a really, really sick, sick, girl?”  My facial reaction, “Ok…and what would you like for me to do with that you terrifying human being?”  They finally give me narcotics.  I am still in pain.  They give me higher doses.  Did not work.  Not until they started a dilaudid drip.  “Ahhhhhh”, that’s more like it.  My parents and close friends have been called at this point.  Once they realized it was an issue with my blood, they had to get our permission to start blood transfusions.  Scott did not agree not having known where this blood was coming from and if I really needed it.  My best friends thoughts were opposing and I just laid there helpless.  They fought it out and when I was asked what I wanted, I said, “Whatever keeps me alive.”  Blood transfusions started immediately.  

Life Goes On

Mentioned in the previous blog, ‘You Have Cancer‘, on January 22, 2014 is when the brutal day of truth arrived.  For the complete story of how I found out, definitely read this blog, The Life of a Gremlin and other short stories.  It’s one of my favorites!  Pretty hilarious if I do say so myself.

When I was transferred to the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Florida Hospital, chemo started within just a few days.  Crazy enough, when the leg pain subsided (my body was responding to the chemo), I was able to function and even give instruction to my business partner on what we should do with my business, M3 Makeup.

Are you a business owner and have no game plan for if you get sick?  Have one…bottom line.  To be completely honest, I owe much to the following;  God, my family, M3 Partner (Scott Mann), M3 Office Manager (Melissa Collier), and M3 team members.  Without these individuals, M3 would not be up and running today.  I know this without a doubt.  I am surrounded by a wonderful group of personal and professional friends and acquaintances.  M3 is very different than what it was when I was there day in and day out.  But I am looking forward to the day that I can go back to work and relearn the business along with working with all my lovely team members.  A few old.  A lot who came aboard after I got sick since we had lost people.  Ok, Back to the Canca.  (Not a spelling error)

I Have Leukemia = No Hair

The next few weeks consisted of aggressive chemo, neupogen shots in my stomach, bone marrow biopsies and spinal taps.  This went on from the 24th until Feb. 3rd.  The next few days I was still under heavy drugs and being monitored very closely to make sure the treatment was taking.  The weekend of February 7th, my long blonde hair was still intact.  By Sunday, February 9th, I was bald.  It happened quickly.

The hair coming out did so in large clumps and hurt.  I would wake up with hair all over my pillow.  There were many tears during this weekend.  But by the time I made the decision to have one of my besties shave it off, I was ready.  To read the full story, which is, to this day, still the most read blog, go HERE.

Beauty of Life

We finish out the next few days and I am finally released from the hospital on February 12th.  This was not before talking to our medical team about the importance of us having a family one day.  After pressing the issue, the doctors were amazing and willing to work with us.  They even found a fantastic fertility clinic for us to go to.  After coming to the realization that this ordeal had just begun and I have a tough road ahead, I was still going home.  The place of safety and comfort that I had not been in since January 20th.  My husband picked me up in his new blue Subaru BRZ which had been purchased only weeks before my hospital visit.  I was rolled out in my wheelchair with my mask on looking weaker than I ever had in my life and feeling it as well.  Everything was foreign to me.  The sky, the sun, the road, the beauty in it all made me remember life.

My IV Pole.  He had many names and never left my side

One day during the first time I was in the hospital, I unhooked my IV Pole from the wall and rolled over to the window.  I had a great view of the water and the sun rising over it.  I stood there that morning, alone, and started to cry.  It was almost like fate, my parents showed up within a few minutes of me having my moment.  My mom asked, “What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?”  My reply, “I never noticed how beautiful everything was, that I was always too busy with life.  I’m so thankful to still be alive.”  We embraced and cried together.     

I’m crying right now just reading those last few sentences.  That was hard.  How crazy it is the moments in life that we can remember so clearly and know we will never forget.  I will be doing these cancer reality stories as segments.  Until next time, take time to look around you and reeeeeaaaallllyyyy smell the roses.