CANCER SHMANCER!!

We are almost to the half way mark of my transplant.  Some days it feels I’ve come so far and then there are other days where I can only think…”Oh my gosh, I still have until July 31, 2015 before it’s been a full year after my stem cell transplant.  In past blogs, I’ve hinted at the hardships of cancer and what all I’ve gone through since my diagnosis on January 22, 2014.  But I also wanted people to actually read my blog so I didn’t want it to be all centered around how very horrible cancer is.  Plus, that’s just not me.  I want it to be real.  I want you to laugh.  I want to make you think.  I want you to cry right alongside me sometimes.  Most of all, I want you to FEEL.  

“I’m not listening.  I’m not listening.  I’m not listening!!!”

I may or may not have mentioned this in past blogs, but one thing you should know about me is that I don’t want to know all the details.  I don’t want to know statistics.  I just want to give this my all without knowing too much about my disease.  Everyone’s different.  I’m sure some people may read this and cringe.  For instance, my husband…he is the exact opposite from me.  He has to know all details and statistics or he’ll go crazy not knowing exactly what’s going on with me.  I, however, believe it’s one reason that I have kept such a positive attitude and a smile on my face.  The not knowing.  Now with this being said, I am going to share a scary statistic with you that my Dr. gave my husband and parents within the first few crucial days of my diagnosis.  I only had a 30 % chance of survival.  Right before my transplant and all the chemo and radiation, I was given the same statistic again of 30% chance of survival for the first year.  So you can see my chances will improve once we’ve hit the year mark and I can start my immunizations.  For right now though, I’m still not in the clear.  See…do you feel better having just read that?!  I don’t feel good writing it.  What do I like?

Cherishing every moment as much as I possibly can.  Give it my all to not get stressed over too much.  (SO much easier said than done!!)  Live like tomorrow may never come and love those in my life with all of my heart.  Cancer Shmancer.  In a way I feel I should thank cancer for making me grow so much this year to become a stronger person.  It has molded me into who I’m mean’t to be and I’m sure it’s not over.

“Oh Mommie Dearest”

A mother’s love is a magical thing that can not be explained.  I’ve mentioned in many blogs throughout Charmed Life, Meet Cancer  about how grateful I am to my parents who are my full-time caregivers with my husband being the breadwinner and running both businessess during our battle.  (Everyone already knows how awesome he is.)  Since I’ve been home from the transplant, my mother has not stopped cleaning, doing laundry, fixing every meal for the whole family, administering my 20+ pills a day, taking me to my doctor’s appointments and anywhere else I need to go, and let’s not forget…taking care of me!  That is A LOT.  She is my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and loves me unconditionally.  I watch her everyday with such awe and know that I would not be here if it weren’t for her.  She is my angel.  

So many people that read my blog use words such as inspirational, graceful, positive attitude, strong, amazing, brave, special, etc… to describe my attributes.  The truth is…everything I am is from her.  

Everyone has their breaking point though and she is getting tired.  I see it.  So I’ve started doing as much as I can to help out.  I can do a few jobs here and there around the house.  I contacted a company called “Cleaning for a Reason” to see if they could help us out.  (Haven’t heard back from them yet so it’s not looking too good.  But it seems like a great concept.)  I even hit up Ellen.  That’s right.  The Ellen Degeneres Show.  I know, I know.  It’s a hoot!  Can you even imagine how many people must reach out to her on a daily basis?!  I crack myself up.  I just want to do whatever it takes to make my mom’s life easier.  That would make me happy.  This is not a sprint, it is definitely a marathon.  

HELP PLEASE…

We’ve had so much help already but it’s hard to keep expecting help when you have such a long diagnosis such as mine so we don’t feel we can expect prolonged help.  And something people have a hard time understanding; cancer patients and caregivers do not like asking for help.  If you want to help, just help.  Make it happen.  Find out what needs doing and do it.  

For instance, one of my dear friends did just that today.  I was so happy when she reached out to me because she was more concerned with how she can help my caregiver.  You know, the person who takes care of me and needs lovin’ too.  I was tickled pink.  I took her up on her offer immediately and said we need help giving this house a deep clean.  She was down and it made my mom’s day.  A huge surprise that happened was when Lucia treated my mom to an hour massage and lunch after the cleaning.  My mom was completely overwhelmed when she got home and couldn’t wait to tell me all about it.  Thank you Lucia for making my mom happy and giving her a well deserved break from reality!!  Still a little confused on how you can help a loved one who has cancer?  This is a great article I stumbled across and highly recommend, 44 Ways To Make the Day of Someone With Cancer.

If anyone finds themselves wanting to help out still in our time of need, we would be ever so grateful.  At one time I was almost too prideful to take the help that was being given to us.  But I kinda got over that…pretty quick.  We will take whatever we can get.  Not to mention how exciting it is to see how many people have given donations to our GoFundMe site.  That has been and continues to be such a huge help with our never ending medical bills.  The only exception of what tends to be more of a difficult thing to help us out with is food.  I’m on a diet with restrictions and am not the easiest person to cook or prepare food for right now.  I don’t even know how to cook for myself!  It’s very confusing what I can and can’t have.  Just one more joy of having a weakened immune system.  

Please don’t mistake any of this for what everyone has already done for us this year and us not being incredibly grateful.  People are still wondering how they can help and what they can do for us.  So here you go.  Once again, for the millionth time, thank you for the past, present and future help.

Until next time, remember the following:  SMILE often, LOVE more, FORGIVE easier, PRAY harder, and LAUGH as much as you can!