What’s a Life Worth?

I may not have a match and I’m scared.  I’m asking you to be scared with me.  I’m asking you to be scared with thousands of others just like me, praying for a match. And at the end, I’m going to ask for more.

Recently I’ve focused so much of my energy lately on the eminent bone marrow transplant that I didn’t even consider the possibility of my doctors not finding a donor for me.  The online registry, Be The Match, has 7 million people listed.  And the doctors said that because I am Caucasian, I’m much more likely to have a match (which really makes me want to change that fact…everyone should have similar opportunity).  Since February, when they found out I was Ph+ and would need a transplant, everyone has been confident a match would be found.  Possibly hundreds, maybe thousands. But now, I may not have a match and I’m scared.

In my recent blog, I shared with you that out of those millions, there were only 19 potential donors that were a match.  Apparently, I am a minority at the DNA level. Wednesday, June 28th at my doctor’s appointment we were told that my number of potential donors had dwindled down to 9.  When they started doing a more formal search with my donors, they found that the first 10 were not a good match after all.  The hospital staff is completely baffled by my case.  They were not expecting these type of results. The only silver lining is that they can use my brother if all else fails.

What a wimp.  And this might be my donor?!

Technically he was only a half match but they can still do the transplant since he’s a sibling.  Half match?  You’re probably thinking the same thing I was thinking.  “That doesn’t sound very promising, Dr.”  Pro:  A transplant is better than no transplant.  Con:  The probability of relapse is much higher.  I listened to this news and it felt like I was getting my cancer diagnosis all over again.  Luckily, no panic attack occurred.  However, the feeling of numbness washed over me and tears welled up in my eyes.  I didn’t want to break down there.  I just couldn’t.  Mainly because I knew once the waterworks started, it was going to be a bad one.  It was so devastating getting this news after everything that’s happened this year.  At that very moment, the situation felt completely hopeless.

Debbie Downer eventually went away and Michele Mann returned.  I can be depressed, angry, blame God, finally give up and crawl into a hole just waiting to die.  Or I can practice what I preach and enjoy life to its fullest.  Appreciate every day in all its beauty and love those around me with the greatest possible love.  This entire journey has certainly be an eye opener and has forever changed me.  A moment of true enlightenment for me is when I realized how lucky I am.  I’ve been given the chance to truly live life.  I wasn’t taken quickly in a freak accident where there was no warning for me or my loved ones.  Life.  Time.  Knowledge that what we have is precious and fragile.  These are gifts and I will take it one day at a time to do my best to not take advantage of what I’ve been given.

At an overlook on the beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway

      

To Save a Life or To Not Save a Life

If you’re like I was just 6 months ago, you know very little (if anything) about blood cancers and Be The Match.  For instance, the 7 million people on the registry is the worldwide number.  That is not enough.  I know what this feels like and no one should ever have to go through it.  It’s up to us to make a difference.  I highly recommend educating yourself with this information on timeline of a transplant.  I’ve had plenty of people reach out to me and ask how they can find out if they’re a direct match for me.  For some, they would only want to donate to someone they know or care about.  As much as I appreciate and love anyone wanting to help me during this time, this breaks my heart just a bit.  The reality of my situation (if they find me a donor) is that I am reliant on a stranger to save my life.  I can only hope they are willing to save the life of someone they don’t know.  One of my close friends recently said this, “Everyone is someone’s someone.” So please, you want to help me?  Help me by helping others.  You can literally save a life just by spreading the word and seeing if you qualify to be a donor.  At the end of your life, when you look back on all your accomplishments, wouldn’t you like to say you saved someone’s life?  In my opinion, giving the gift of life would trump most things any of us could ever possibly do in this world.