Dancing in the Rain

As I left the hospital the last time about 2 months ago, our doctor said to live it up (but not too much).  Since then I’ve felt like I’ve been standing in the eye of a hurricane…chaos and pain behind me and an unknown swirling future in front of me.

I have my doctor’s visits every other week.  After sharing the news that I got at my last doctor’s visit with you in my previous blog, I was ready for yesterday’s appointment.  Or so I thought.  I armored myself. I gave myself a pep talk beforehand.  “Ok Michele.  They probably have not found a donor for you yet.  My brother being a half match is our best case scenario.  We’ll just go with it.”  (Is that considered third person?  Regardless, yes…there’s a strong possibility that I’m losing my mind.)  I know what some of you may be thinking.  “Michele, you can’t think that way.”  I still have hope but I’m a realist as well.  Plus, it helps me if I can go in expecting the worst but hoping for the best.  What I got was so much worse than the worst that I was expecting.

My leukemia is coming back.  Dr. Khaled, my oncologist, drilled me at first with questions in reference to me taking my chemo pill correctly.  Clearly he does not know my mother.  I take that $10,000/month pill at the same time every single day and have not missed one pill these past few months.  The Sprycel was only a temporary solution, however we were hoping it would buy us time to get to the transplant.  Time.  That’s all I want right now.  However, due to my PH+, the Sprycell has stopped working and my cancer is creeping back.

YOLO No More

Well now.  That sucks.  It seems I just can’t catch a break.  My heart hurts just writing this.  I’m being admitted back into the hospital today for a third round of chemo.  Sleepless nights, nausea, pain, depression, picc line, memory loss, looking at my husband sleep uncomfortably in the recliner next to my bed, horrible food (ok, that one’s not as bad as the others), and being so weak that I can barely walk.  I wasn’t ready for this.  Time.  I just wanted more time before everything had to happen again.  They will most likely fast track the transplant now with the cancer coming back.  So my YOLO is over for now.  But man, did I live it up and don’t regret one thing that I did while feeling almost human again.

Going Back to My Roots

One of the many posters that was made for the Fundraiser.

One of those things was a visit to my hometown of Franklin County with my family.  We actually just got back to sunny and HOT Florida late Tuesday night.  I already mentioned in one of my favorite blogs, Superwoman Cries Too, how FC had planned a Fundraiser for me and my fight against cancer.  Words could never truly convey how I felt that evening.

“Hey, that’s me!”

You could just tell all the planning and organization that had gone into this event.  From the decorations and posters with pictures to the fliers around town and all of the silent auction items.  It was such a great turnout and I can’t think of a better way to spend my last few “non-chemo” days then back in good ‘ol Franklin County with family and friends that I hadn’t seen in forever.

To end on a good note today, I would like to pay a little homage to Franklin County.  The fundraiser was held in one of the cafeterias at the High School.  I had not been here since my senior year.  The night of the fundraiser was almost like a mini high school reunion.  Nostalgia certainly washed over me and to be honest, I was completely overwhelmed at first.  Seeing everything, everyone, and to know it was all to help me out during my greatest time of need was more than I could handle.  So for the first 15-30 minutes I was deer in the headlights giving more hugs than I’ve ever given before all with the hugest smile on my face while sweating profusely.  Finally the sweating and nervousness subsided and I was able to enjoy the remainder of the time. The planning committee, the people working the event, extended family, old friends, strangers, the donations, those who signed up at the Be The Match booth, just everything absolutely blew me away and brought me to tears…several times.

Great pic of all my cousins signing up with Be The Match.

I came to the realization that night that if I was back in High School who I am today, I would have enjoyed High School so much more.  (Yes, that is way off track.)  But I was so busy trying to impress those around me when I was 16-18 years old that I didn’t fully enjoy being a kid and truly enjoy these people then.  What an idiot I was!  I certainly made the most of my time from 5p-8p on June 7th, 2014.

Great pic at the end of the night.

More Pics from a memorable trip…

I am so lucky to still call these girls ‘best friends.’

With two beauties:  my Mother and Aunt Gail.

“Can I have a hug?”

Bubby and sissy on Smith Mountain Lake.

My family.

A DaY WiThOuT LaUgHtEr Is A DaY WaStEd

In closing, my cat must know what’s up because she hasn’t left my side all day.  Staying positive and hopeful is getting harder and harder but I will do my best.  As most everyone knows by now…laughter is the thing that keeps me going.  So I truly enjoy being a voyeur on Facebook.  Not to look at status updates or people’s pictures which of course can be entertaining in itself.  But to look at trending videos, news stories, or pictures.  Such as – this morning I died laughing at this headline, “Man arrested AGAIN for having sex with an inflatable pool raft.”  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Or the most awesome guy ever that made his own music video to Celine Dion’s ‘All By Myself’ while alone in the Las Vegas Airport.  Or any funny cat videos.  And I mean any.

I truly enjoyed writing this last blog for a few weeks and love that people actually enjoy reading them.  Until next time…