I absolutely love living in Mt. Dora. The road I live off of has so much wildlife. Earlier I scared a turkey that was in my front yard when I opened my door. Right now as I type this and am trying to find inspiration for what I’m going to write, the two horses that live on the land my tiny house is parked on are right outside of my kitchen window grazing. But still, even through the moments of happiness, I find myself wondering “how the hell did I get here?!”
Magical Moment in Time
I try to walk a few times a week when my health allows. On one of those walks recently, I was getting close to the house. I had so many thoughts running through my head. Too many. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. My breathing got heavy and I got that tickle in my throat where I knew at any second I was going to burst into tears. Then all of a sudden a strange dog that I had never seen before on my road came up to me. He was so sweet. I petted him for a bit and then he went on his merry way. I arrived at my gate and noticed one of the horses, Maggie, was at the front of my house. I called out to her. (I always talk to them when I go outside.) But this time was different. She not only looked up at me, I noticed she started walking towards me. I was thinking, “hmm, I’m just gonna go with this.” As I was closing the gate behind me, I could feel her sniffing up my entire backside. I turned around and I had a horse right in my face.
She couldn’t be any closer if she tried. When I got over my shock; I talked to her, started petting her (not that I know really how to pet a horse), and we continued this for at least 5-7 minutes. We shared a beautiful moment when I was at the brink of a breakdown. It felt like we were staring deep into each other’s soul, almost like she knew I needed someone at that very moment. That may sound odd to some people, but I’m doubting coincidences less in life and believing more in signs and the unbelievable. That day instead of coming in and having a breakdown or anxiety attack, I came in feeling energized all because of two animals that randomly sought me out. My point? Don’t brush off the sweet things in life that happen to us that are so much more than what we give them credit for.
An update for anyone that read my blog Dating Sucks!, you may be wondering where I stand with all of that now. I still stand by my word. Dating definitely still sucks! Too many headaches and no thank you there…I still have them on a regular basis thanks to leukemia. I ended the blog saying that I want to focus on myself and that’s exactly what I’m doing. For the first time in my life, I’m figuring out what I want in life and who I truly am. Having no commitments, I almost don’t know what to do with myself. Let’s just say, my cat and I have gotten a lot closer. This worries me a bit about my future. Will future Michele be an even crazier cat lady with multiple cats in a Tiny House?? I think we may have to upgrade if that were to happen.
It can be hard at times to want to fill the void of loneliness. Alone and lonely feel so very similar that they can play mind tricks on you. Regardless, there’s no rush in that area and I’m perfectly happy not complicating my life further right now.
Stop Your Crying
Panic attacks are very real and many people have them for different reasons. I wish that I could say I have a dog or horse save me every time one creeps up for me but that’s not the case. My life has been spared. I lived through everything and I feel as if I’m supposed to do something truly meaningful with this second chance at life. But as many of us know, there is no manual. There’s just decisions that we make and hope that we’re making the right ones. Typically though it can take years and then looking back before realizing they were the wrong ones. I’ve been struggling lately with this. Making sure I’m on the right path. Then I talk to my biggest cheerleader and the best mom. She reminds me of all the possibilities, of all that I’ve gotten through thus far, and that there is a plan for me. I just need to have faith in myself and trust that. But then in her next breath she says, “where you’re at now, there’s no where else to go but up.” Thanks Mom for keepin’ it real.
The following song speaks to me at this time of my life…
I’ll let Anne Frank end this post with her beautiful words…