Silver Linings

I mentioned this in a previous blog, You Live or You Die, how I’m not the same Michele.  In the cancer world, they refer to it as finding your ‘new normal.’  I’m not a fan of that phrase.  To me, it’s more about evolving.  “I may have been physically strong before but I am mentally strong now.  I have a voice.  I am a beautiful woman with scars both on the inside and out.  This tragedy has opened my eyes to see things clearer and to see life for what it is, how I want to live it, and who I want to be.  The old Michele has transformed into someone I’m still getting to know, however I must say I feel more “real” than I’ve ever felt.”

If there’s a silver lining to being diagnosed with leukemia it would be that I no longer have blinders on.  I want to have more passion for life.  I don’t suffer fools and I just want to cut through the bullshit.  “I want to live.”  That’s what I’ve been saying since the day that I realized my life was in danger.  Life truly is beautiful and is a gift.  I already know I’m living on borrowed time but the dirty truth is that we all are.

 

You are the Hero of your own Story

It’s so easy to get caught up in the monotony of everyday life.  Settling when you know in your heart you deserve something more.  Choosing to not listen to your gut at times.  No longer fighting for your dreams.  I realize now that nothing extraordinary will happen in your life unless you yourself make it happen.  Let’s face it, do any of us ever really have all the answers??  No matter how old we are?  It seems like the older I get, the less I know.  I think I’ve been standing on the sidelines of my own life waiting for someone to come in and save me.  To show me the right path that I’m supposed to go down.  All the right choices that I’m to make in life.  Yes, I believe that God has been looking over me throughout this ordeal and with the help of even more support and prayers than I could ever imagine.  That is most likely one reason why I’m still here.  I’ve always envisioned an actual knight in shining armor kind of thing; however, now I see…I’M the hero in my story.  I’ve already done the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life thus far.  Now I just have to take me the rest of the way.

Precious Time

Each one of us holds our lives in our hands.  It’s just up to us what we do with it.  So many people don’t have that luxury.  Those in the hospitals who are fighting for their very lives right now.  Cancer is cruel and does not discriminate.  People and children of all ages and races are fighting for more time; to get through another day; the mental and physical pain they’re put through on a daily basis and the fear that cancer brings.  Not to mention the mark left by cancer if you survive.  They wish for what a healthy person has…a life.

In their honor and for your own good, stop making excuses and start living the life you want.  What makes you happy?  What are your dreams?  Are there places you want to travel to?  Do you want to learn another language? Are you a thrill seeker?  Always wanted to go bungee jumping but never have?  What are your bucket list items??  Do these things and start now.  Don’t wait until the right moment because 9 out of 10 times the right moment will never come.  These are things I’m currently working on myself.  Well…I might need to wait a bit longer on the bungee jumping due to health reasons.

“Do not squander time; for that’s the stuff life is made of.” – Benjamin Franklin.

“Die Slowly”

He who becomes the slave of habit,
who follows the same routes every day,
who never changes pace,
who does not risk and change the color of his clothes,
who does not speak and does not experience,
dies slowly.

He or she who shuns passion,
who prefers black on white,
dotting ones “it’s” rather than a bundle of emotions, the kind that make your eyes glimmer,
that turn a yawn into a smile,
that make the heart pound in the face of mistakes and feelings,
dies slowly.

He or she who does not turn things topsy-turvy,
who is unhappy at work,
who does not risk certainty for uncertainty,
to thus follow a dream,
those who do not forego sound advice at least once in their lives,
die slowly.

He who does not travel, who does not read,
who does not listen to music,
who does not find grace in himself,
she who does not find grace in herself,
dies slowly.

He who slowly destroys his own self-esteem,
who does not allow himself to be helped,
who spends days on end complaining about his own bad luck, about the rain that never stops,
dies slowly.

He or she who abandon a project before starting it, who fail to ask questions on subjects he doesn’t know, he or she who don’t reply when they are asked something they do know,
die slowly.

Let’s try and avoid death in small doses,
reminding oneself that being alive requires an effort far greater than the simple fact of breathing.

Only a burning patience will lead
to the attainment of a splendid happiness.”
― Pablo Neruda